i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
