why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Every concussion has its silver lining
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
