Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He shit in the fireplace
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
