Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
