honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
