I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
