If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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