You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My pussy is not your playground.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
