You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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