do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize