I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
