Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
