i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize