She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
