My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
