He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
