I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i need some magic done to my vagina
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
