So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
