it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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