I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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