Its about making memories worth repressing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize