I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm getting married
To pizza
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize