TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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