but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
