He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize