come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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