I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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