He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
