I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
