Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
