I smell stomach acid.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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