yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
