From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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