i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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