If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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