After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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