You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
