I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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