I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
