wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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