that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
