All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
