Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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