You just made me feel so damn special
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How external is "for external use only"?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
