fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
