either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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