She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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