I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
