I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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