How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
