I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
