I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
