last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
