six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize