I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
