oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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