I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
