"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
