i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
