apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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