So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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