ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
