Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
