I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
