Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
