So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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